In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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