apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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