We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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