Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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