he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
