his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
