I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
