We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
