Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
