is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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