Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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