nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
