I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
