I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Oh god it's open bar.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
