I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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