i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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