Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
