She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
