I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
