Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
