No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
A+ Viking dick
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
