You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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