Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
