I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
