allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
