he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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