Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
