He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
