worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
