from now on my penis is your penis
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
