Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize