o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
