i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
