Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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