I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
