So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize