its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
