Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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