Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
