hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
