literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
