you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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