We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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