You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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