You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
