I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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