it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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