We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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