Apparently you make a good broom.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
