I don't think brook has ever known best
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
