I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
well most of my day revolves around power hour
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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