So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
