Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
