I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
