I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
