i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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