Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
