The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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