I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
