The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
