I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
