We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
