Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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