textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize