It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Randomize
