capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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