First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
