YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
