Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
