Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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