i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
