why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Don't tell me you're on acid again
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
