I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize