oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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