i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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