***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
