I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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