I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
