answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
