i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
