I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
