So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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