Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
