My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
