You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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