too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
sex in a hospital.. check
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
