i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize